homeland security asks science fiction writers to help prevent terror attacks

no, really...and from the dude who wrote ringwold...i couldn't make this one up if i tried:

Looking to prevent the next terrorist attack, the Homeland Security Department is tapping into the wild imaginations of a group of self-described "deviant" thinkers: science-fiction writers.

"We spend our entire careers living in the future," says author Arlan Andrews, one of a handful of writers the government brought to Washington this month to attend a Homeland Security conference on science and technology.

Those responsible for keeping the nation safe from devastating attacks realize that in addition to border agents, police and airport screeners, they "need people to think of crazy ideas," Andrews says.

The writers make up a group called Sigma, which Andrews put together 15 years ago to advise government officials. The last time the group gathered was in the late 1990s, when members met with government scientists to discuss what a post-nuclear age might look like, says group member Greg Bear. He has written 30 sci-fi books, including the best seller Darwin's Radio.

Now, the Homeland Security Department is calling on the group to help with the government's latest top mission of combating terrorism.

Although some sci-fi writers' futuristic ideas might sound crazy now, scientists know that they often have what seems to be an uncanny ability to see into the future.

"Fifty years ago, science-fiction writers told us about flying cars and a wireless handheld communicator," says Christopher Kelly, spokesman for Homeland Security's Science and Technology division. "Although flying cars haven't evolved, cellphones today are a way of life. We need to look everywhere for ideas, and science-fiction writers clearly inform the debate."

Bear says the writers offer powerful imaginations that can conjure up not only possible methods of attack, but also ideas about how governments and individuals will respond and what kinds of high-tech tools could prevent attacks.

The group's motto is "Science Fiction in the National Interest." To join the group, Andrews says, you have to have at least one technical doctorate degree.

"We're well-qualified nuts," says Jerry Pournelle, co-author of the best sellers Footfall and Lucifer's Hammer and dozens of other books.

Pournelle and others say that science-fiction writers have spent their lives studying the kinds of technologies and scenarios Homeland Security officials have been tackling since the department began operating in 2003.

"We talk to a lot of strange people and read a lot of weird things," Bear says.

At the Washington conference, Bear offered to put biometrics researchers in touch with movie special-effects experts. The experts might be able to help the government determine how to match the face of someone walking through an airport to a grainy photo of a known terrorist.

Bear's latest book, Quantico, is a sci-fi thriller that has FBI agents and a bioterrorism expert racing to hunt down a homegrown terrorist.

"We'll play 'What if?' with anything," says Sage Walker, an emergency medicine physician turned sci-fi writer and the only woman in the group. She says the discussions with government officials "tend to be very intense and far-ranging."

So are discussions between the writers. During a coffee break at the conference, Walker, Bear and Andrews started talking about the government's bomb-sniffing dogs. Within minutes, they had conjured up a doggie brain-scanning skullcap that could tell agents what kind of explosive material a dog had picked up.

The 9/11 Commission called the 2001 terrorist attacks a result of the government's "failure of imagination." For this group, Walker says, there's no such thing as an "unthinkable scenario."

Why offer their ideas to the government instead of private companies that pay big bucks?

"To save civilization," Ringworld author Larry Niven says. "We do it in fiction. Why wouldn't we want to do it in fact?""

attention al qaeda, we are now prepared for your cloaked ship phaser attacks. this whole story makes my brain hurt on so many levels....

poland behind 8 years on crazy falwellisms

tinky winky is baaaaaaack...too bad jerry falwell died before being able to see this little chestnut dug up 8 years later by the poles:

Poland's child rights ombudsman said on Monday she was investigating whether "The Teletubbies," the British television show for infants, promotes homosexuality.

"It would be good for a group of psychologists to talk to children about this. We need to examine this. If inappropriate attitudes have been promoted, we need to react," said Ewa Sowinska.

In an interview with the weekly news magazine Wprost, Sowinska said the character Tinky Winky was in the spotlight.

The plump purple creature is considered male due to his relative height, but carries a handbag.

"I have heard that this could be a hidden homosexual insinuation," said Sowinska.

Poland's deputy speaker of parliament Ludwik Dorn, a conservative Catholic, reprimanded Sowinska, telling her to avoid public statements that could make the ombudsman's office look "ridiculous," said Dorn's spokesman Witold Lisicki.

yeah, too late on that one ludwik.

republican family values: giuliani style

dateline, new york:

so for rudy, family values is more like families values, what with his ex-wife and kids and new wife, judith nathan...but this is one of those stories where the headline says all you need to know about how rudy feels about his family values:

Giuliani, Nathan Leave Early To Avoid Daughter At Her Graduation

the kid's graduating from high school and you don't even say hello or stay for the whole ceremony? those are some family values, alright...i know these ceremonies can be boring, rudy, but if boring ceremonies are not for you, then neither is the presidency. and besides, it's your fricking daughter. oy.

fresh from the institute of metaphor

that bird obviously hates freedom and liberty and is only emoldening our enemies.

fun with the senate immigration debate

when will senators learn that having visual aides only makes mocking them so much easier...especially when listing famous naturalized immigrants like carlo santana, madaline albright, and dezi arnaz...all misspelled. someone get the senator a damn proofreader already.

1/3 of america still thinks the bible is the literal word of god

and now to explain this new gallup poll are some facts gleamed from the data, all brought to you by the department of duh!:

Those who believe in the literal Bible amount to 31% of adult Americans. This is a decline of about 7% compared with Gallup polls taken in the 1970s and 1980s. It is strongest in the South...duh!

There is also a strong relationship between education and belief in a literal Bible, Gallup explains, with such belief becoming much less prevalent as schooling continues....duh!

reason #492 why a former newscaster should not be put in charge of monroe county

this time, maggie, it's getting personal...

A ban on pornographic Web sites at Monroe County libraries was adopted Wednesday, a move expected to preserve county funding for the Central Library of Rochester but leaves library leaders at odds over whether the decision is censorship. The two boards that oversee policies for the Central Library and the county library system were under threat of essentially having the Central Library shut down by County Executive Maggie Brooks over a long-held policy that had let adult patrons — upon request — unblock potentially inappropriate or pornographic Web sites. To satisfy [County Executive Maggie] Brooks and retain $6.6 million in county aid, the Monroe County Library System Board, over the objections of the Rochester Public Library board, approved a new policy recommended by a library task force formed in February.
The policy, which is expected to extend to all libraries in the county, calls for using the library's Internet filtering system to block all pornographic sites unless — after a written request — an administrator deems a site appropriate for a patron to view. But how the policy will be implemented and what librarians will deem pornographic remains unclear.

dear maggie,
it's not like i was using the first amendment anyway, so why not just toss it out the window because some people don't like the fact that porn is constitutionally protected material. this is the definition of a slippery slope (no pun intended). but if you're gonna throw out the first amendment, why stop there? i've been saying that the second amendment needs to go for years!

this all makes so much sense: cause it's librarians that should be deciding what is and isn't porn. talk about idiotic. oy, this whole thing makes me so mad i may actually increase the volume of my voice (which is the equivalent of someone else throwing a screaming fit). suffice to say maggie brooks is an idiot. sorry if that seems harsh mags, but there's no other way to put it...that is until you deem the use of the word idiot to be pornographic.

homer's been watching too much fox noise

the simpsons do a nice little bit on fox noise and the so-called liberal media...

"did you know that everyday mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain-dead ladies?"

shame, smithsonian, shame on you

The Smithsonian Institution toned down an exhibit on climate change in the Arctic for fear of angering the U.S. Congress and the Bush administration, says a former administrator at the museum. Among other things, the script, or official text, of last year's exhibit was rewritten to minimize and inject more uncertainty into the relationship between global warming and humans, said Robert Sullivan, who was associate director in charge of exhibitions at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History. Also, officials omitted scientists' interpretation of some research and let visitors draw their own conclusions from the data, he said. In addition, graphs were altered "to show that global warming could go either way," Sullivan said.

really? back to this whole idea that there is any debate about humans causing global warming? believe it or not, there is not two sides to this issue. it's here. we caused it. now we gotta deal. it's a sad day when an institution like the smithsonain thinks it has to fudge the scientific facts cause they may get their funding pulled by a congress and president indebted to the energy lobby. if you don't take my word for it (and you really shouldn't since my idea of science was and is mr. wizard), here's what dr. naomi oreskes of ucal said (quite well, methinks) on this phony debate:

So why does it seem as if there is major scientific disagreement? Because a few noisy skeptics -- most of whom are not even scientists -- have generated a lot of chatter in the mass media. At the National Press Club recently, Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor Richard Lindzen dismissed the consensus as "religious belief." To be sure, no scientific conclusion can ever be proven, absolutely, but it is no more a "belief" to say that Earth is heating up than it is to say that continents move, that germs cause disease, that DNA carries hereditary information or that quarks are the basic building blocks of subatomic matter. You can always find someone, somewhere, to disagree, but these conclusions represent our best available science, and therefore our best basis for reasoned action.
The chatter of skeptics is distracting us from the real issue: how best to respond to the threats that global warming presents.

and while the only power point presentation i did not fall asleep in (that's really why it deserved an oscar) was a good jumpstart, news like this self-censorship at the smithsonain of all places does not bode well...

do you have the balls for this book?

from crooks and liars:

Grand Central Publishing promises that the television pundit's publishing debut "will rival the Bible in importance." Grand Central seems poised to engage in a balls-to-the-wall marketing campaign: "Colbert fears America has lost its balls. He wants to reballify the nation. Even the ladies. Ladies can have balls-lady-balls. They're called 'Thatchers.' Colbert will show you how he got his mammoth swinging sack."

it should be out by november...just in time to help fight the war on christmas.

mccain pulls a cheney on a republican

we all remember when darth cheney told sen. pat leahy (d-vt) to go fuck himself...ahhh, fuzzy senate memories...but john mccain has tried to one-up the dark lord by telling off a fellow republican on the senate floor. during the immigration bill debate, mccain said "fuck you! i know more about this than anyone else in the room" to sen. john cornyn (r-tx) during a heated exchange.

i love it when the republicans start eating their own...

here's an "idol" i will vote for

countdown is doing a "d.c. idol" (about damn time) contest of 5 of the most hilariously awful politicians singing (in public) videos. go here to vote for your favourite of the five nominees:
Colin Powell "YMCA"
Rep. Dennis Kucinich "Sixteen Tons"
John Ashcroft "Let the Eagles Soar"
Karl Rove "MC Rove"
Bill Clinton "Imagine"

i guess tony mcsnowjob on the jazz flute doesn't count since there's no vocals...i wonder if the winner will get visited by paula abdul? maybe brain dunkleman would be more apropos

dr. laura to military wives: "stop whining!"

i've been saying this for a while, but it's good to know someone else thinks dr. laura is one of the worst people in the world, as if being your kid's mom makes your opinion the only one that matters. from countdown:

Dr. Laura, speaking to Army families at Fort Douglas said military wives who "are stressed out and unhappy about the prospects of their husbands, you know, getting killed in Iraq need to take a new approach. Quote, he could come back without arms, legs or eyeballs and you‘re wining? You are not dodging bullets, so I don‘t want to hear any whining? That is my message to them."

So first we find out you are not a relationship doctor, just a physiologist. And now we find out you are not even a human being? Laura Schlesinger, today‘s Worst Person in the World.

couldn't have said it better myself, keith.

jerry falwell died? so what...

who really cares about that rev. of intolerance who died when there's a new story about coultergeist's voter fraud case? i mean come on kids, get your priorities in order already!

and what makes it all the better is that it now appears that the fbi agent who used his authority to try and clear the junk-toting-stick-figure of wrongdoing is actually female impersonator coutergeist's former boyfriend!

yes, you read that right, former boyfriend...i'm guessing this fbi agent may have gotten his own little personal crying game experience from coultergeist.

rupert murdock says drinking beer causes global warming

really? this from the guy who has made al gore-bashing a family-friendly hobby? oy...let's just all stop drinking and we'll save the planet, right? if you're really that concerned rupert, why don't you cut down some of the hot air being spewed on fox noise or in the new york post?

save the polar bears, fire bill o'reilly! there's an idea.

another gonzo staffer quits

another guy at the justice department (who isn't alberto gonzalez) quit yesterday...paul mcnulty, deputy attorney general, "announced his plans to leave in a letter to Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales, citing the financial pressures of having children entering their college years, one official said." riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. and you probably want to spend more time with your family.

and could cnn please get wolf blitzer some ex-lax. no man deserves to be (and sound) that constipated for that long...even if you have your own special situation room.

obama or o'bama?

barack obama may have irish ancestry? and who says there's no such thing as the black irish...

no, i am going to judge this book by it's cover

coming to bookstores on 10 july. at least the douchebag of liberty is being honest in his title.

cnn, you tease!

even cnn can't tell president bush and tony blair apart.

how does one rust on their laurels?

actual phrases from my american history textbook
BY MARISSA SKUDLAREK

- - - -

Seemingly the farmer had only to tickle the soil with a hoe and it would laugh with a harvest.

England ruled the waves and waived the rules.

Some of the ranking generals were semisenile heirlooms from the Revolutionary War, rusting on their laurels.

What other power would have spurned the imperial domain of Texas? The bride was so near, so rich, so fair, so willing… Nine long years were surely a decent wait between the beginning of the courtship and the consummation of the marriage.

Lincoln nearly impaled his opponent on the horns of a dilemma.

Chester A. Arthur was a wealthy, handsome widower who enjoyed a richly stocked wine cellar and a wardrobe that included eighty pairs of trousers.

The steer was king in a Cattle Kingdom richly carpeted with grass. But what the Lord can giveth, the Lord also can taketh away. Cowboys slowly gave way to plowboys.

The free and unlimited coinage of wordage.

Wall Street became a wailing wall as gloom and doom replaced boom.

Walker Percy and Eudora Welty grasped the falling torch from the failing Faulkner.

bush nominee spouts lasanga of racism

meet henrietta holsham fore, your current undersecretary of state for management!

she has been nominated by the president for the vacant position of "Deputy Secretary of State and Administrator of the US Agency for International Development" (that's s job title). unfortunately for her (and the folks in developing countries that the position is in charge of aid for), someone when ahead and did some actual research and found a racist lecture she gave in 1987 that pretty much hits all the stereotypical racism buttons:

at the time, fore was the owner of a manufacturing facility in Los Angeles, she remarked in a lecture that "she had trouble keeping black assembly-line workers from going 'back to the street to earn more money' selling drugs." Fore had also said "she had found Hispanic workers to be lazy, white workers resentful of having to work with machines, and Asians, while very productive, likely to move on to professional or management jobs."

at wonkette.com, they had an interesting take whites being resentful of working with machines:

We have to give her points for this one, because it’s a racial stereotype we have never heard before. Maybe that explains why we hate these fucking computers so much?...Barack Obama said, “I’m troubled by the lack of clarity.” What’s not clear, Barry? Holsman-Fore says Blacks prefer to make more money selling dope, Mexicans are lazy, Asians are crafty and white people hate robots.

on a side note, the reason the position was vacant? yep, that guy who was a huge abstinence-for-foreign-aid in afica advocate that was also enjoying the services of a d.c. madam is the one who needs replacing.

let's hear it for the crazy dude from alaska!

he was the highlight of the democratic debate, fmr. sen. mike "potted plant" gravel (d-alaska) has now made the headlines again with this statement:

"If a couple of lesbians or gay men want to get married, and they love each other, they should have the right to do that and enjoy all the legalities in our society that go along with that. I have no problem with that at all. I think that people who create these problems of homophobia and the likes of that do us a disservice...We are all human beings and one of the things that should motivate us, most of all, is love."

well done, crazy alaskan dude.

your move, hillary.

nothern ireland government actually forms

wow, some good news to report...i was not quite sure this day would ever come when i would read the headline old foes join forces at last to share power at Stormont. this would seem to symbolically end "the troubles" in northern ireland that have so violently rocked that area for decades since the dissolution of the northern ireland government and creation of direct british rule. it is ironic to note that on a day when former blood enemies ian paisley and sinn fein's gerry adams sat down and peacefully (and in some cases while smiling and laughing) formed a government, that:

The only conflict of the day came at the gates of Stormont when police clashed with anti-Iraq war protesters objecting to Tony Blair's presence.

if all they are fighting over in northern ireland anymore is iraq, then this seems like a good omen for the future.

rush limbaugh sings "barack the magic negro" on his radio show

yep, the title says it all. you can hear it for yourself here (if you can stomach it). before that awful piece of singing racism, the drug-addled gasbag said of obama:

Al Sharpton's real, Snoop Dogg is real, but Barack Obama is not real. He's just there to assuage white guilt. In other words, the only reason Obama's anywhere is because whites are willing to support him because they feel so guilty over slavery...So those of you white people out there who are supporting Barack Obama, you are racists...So your attempt to assuage all of your white guilt by supporting Obama is worthless because you're just -- you're just exhibiting racism because you know he's not a real black...The only thing that matters is that he's black and he sounds good and it allows you white racists to assuage your guilt. Well, there is white racism out there. Much of it is on the left where the plantation mentality still resides.

civil rights lacking at the doj civil rights division

as if gonzo wasn't screwing up the doj enough, a new report has come out displaying the utter lack of diversity at the justice department's civil rights division. in the civil rights division's criminal section, only 2 of 50 lawyers are black...the same number as in 1978, when the total staff was less than half what it is now. the department's records across several divisions show few or no african-americans or hispanics being hired at all. minorities are more than twice as likely to leave or be passed over for management position. and on top of all that is this staggering statistic:

One Justice Department chart revealed that over a six-year period the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission had referred 3,200 individual complaints of discrimination to the civil rights division for action. They have resulted in only six lawsuits for race discrimination.

6 out of 3200...that 0.1875% for y'all keeping score at home.

walmart puts nuns on threat list

satan's five and dime, aka walmart, has identified a new, major security threat: nuns.

yes, nuns, as in the benedectine sisters of san antonio texas. (there are nuns in texas? and that's not news in itself?)

The sisters have raised questions on wages, human rights, health care and the
pay disparity between CEOs and workers. They believe that's why Wal-Mart has
launched a surveillance operation on the small church group.

well, i suppose there is reason to this...satan would find nuns a threat, right?

republican debate fun: "it'd...it would be ok."

yeah, ten rich white men all trying to be ronald reagan. there's some damn sad tv. however, there was one interesting exchange on, of course, abortion. see if you can find the two formerly pro-choicers:

Moderator: Starting with you, Governor, would the day that Roe v. Wade is repealed be a good day for America.
Gov. Mitt Romney: Absolutely.
Moderator: Senator?
Sen. Sam Brownback: It would be a glorious day of human liberty and freedom.
Moderator: Governor?
Gov. Gilmore: Yes, it was wrongly decided.
Moderator: Governor?
Gov. Huckabee: Most certainly.
Moderator: Congressman?
Rep. Hunter: Yes.
Moderator:Mayor?
Rudy Giuliani: It'd...It would be OK.
Moderator: Congressman?
Rep. Tom Tancredo: After 40 million dead because we have aborted them in this country, I would say that that would be the greatest day in this country's history when that, in fact, is overturned.

...and it's nice to see sen. brownback is brining iraq talking points to other issues as well.

jeff gannon is baaaaaaaack

wow. when you think of who would be a good spokesman for the the International Bible Reading Association, i bet former gay escort/white house correspondent (cause why can't you do both, really?) jeff gannon wouldn't be in your first million guesses.

it's funny because it's true...yesterday's national day of prayer bible reading marathon in d.c., saw the return of hotmilitarystud.com himself. dana milbank of the washington post had a few thoughts:

Jeff Gannon, spokesman for the host, the International Bible Reading Association. Gannon, actually a pseudonym for James Guckert, had earned fame in 2005 representing a conservative Web site at White House briefings until it was revealed that he posted nude pictures of himself on the Web to offer his services as a $200-an-hour gay escort.

Let us pray for the power to understand how Gannon made his way from HotMilitaryStud.com to the International Bible Reading Association.

at least milbank didn't attempt some crude pun by saying, "let us bow our heads...." that would have been unfortunate.

if you could have three vetoes...what would you veto?

so, the president has only seen fit to use his veto power twice in his six-plus years in office. let's recap, the two things the president had to veto were trying to cure alzheimer's and ending the killing of american troops in iraq. now, the president is ready to whip out the veto stamp again for another equally monumental bill that should simply never be law: adding gender and sexual orientation to the categories covered by federal hate crimes law. such dangerous legislation, all three of them.

so, using republican logic, the president hates old people, the troops, and gays. but, he's still fond of the internets, as he told some supporters (yes, he still has some) yesterday:

“I talk to a lot of families who have got a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan, or anywhere else in this global war on terror, and they are in constant communication with their loved one. That’s amazing, isn’t it. You’ve got a kid in Iraq who is emailing mom daily, talking about the realities of what he or she sees. Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.”

al gore: global warming's hitler?

oh, please...two in one night? can someone please remind glen "i'm just saying what everyone's thinking" beck and lou "i hate mexicans" dobbs that you automatically fail in making your point when you compare anything to the nazis.

once again, keith complies a great list for the latest list of nominees for 'Worst Person in the World'.

The bronze to Oklahoma‘s greatest export, Senator James Inhofe, saying about Iraq and the withdrawal, the whole idea of the weapons of mass destruction was never the issue. The media made that the issue because they knew Saddam Hussein had used weapons of mass destruction. Senator James Inhofe on “Meet the Press” August 2002, quote, “our intelligence system has said that we know that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction, I believe, including nuclear. I, for one, am not willing to wait for that to happen.” The man must have friends. Please, somebody tell him, we don‘t throw away the tapes of the old shows.

Runner up tonight, CNN‘s Lou Dobbs. He was doing one of his infrequent stories about immigration, and he said of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and other pro immigrant advocates that they, quote, might as well work for Hermann Goering. I mean, they are running so much propaganda, trying to confuse the debate, the national dialogue, by talking about immigrants rather than illegal aliens and legal immigrants. It‘s mindless beyond belief.

Now who could top that? CNN‘s Glen Beck, our winner. He will see your Goering reference, Lou, and raise you one Hitler reference, quoting from his radio show, “Al Gore is not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization. The goal is global carbon tax. The goal is the United Nations running the world. That‘s the goal. Back in the 1930s, the goal was get rid of all the Jews and have one global government. You have to have an enemy to fight, and when you have an enemy to fight, then you can unite the entire world behind you and you seize power. That was Hitler‘s plan. His enemy the Jew. Al Gore‘s enemy, global warming.”

So Al Gore is the Hitler of global warming, trying for world domination by lowering carbon in car exhaust. I thing Glenny has been inhaling those car exhausts again. Glen Beck, today‘s Worst Person in the World.

mission accomplished...4 years later, not so much

"today, president bush vetoed a bill that supports our troops and ends the war in iraq that he declared won four years ago." - john edwards

'nuff said. i could (and have today) gone on and on about this, but i think that edwards summed it all up nicely. also, the president has now vetoed his first non-we-must-save-the-frozen-embryos-we-were-gonna-throw-out-anyway bill. just sayin.

course, now comes the real interesting part...who backs down in this game of government chicken? let the srategeryizing begin...

studio 60 return date set

the last episodes of studio 60 will see the light of pre-dvd day starting on thursday may 24th at 10:00. yeah, this return after may sweeps means the sorkinrific show will almost certainly not be coming back in the fall (or ever), but at least this will save the average tv viewer from a few weeks of er reruns. now that's a public service.