NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver.... no, really.

great headline, reuters.  

NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver

New York police guarding the United Nations during Pope Benedict's visit on Friday made a rare discovery and rescue -- of a beaver struggling to swim past the world body's headquarters.

Soon after the pope left the United Nations, police harbour and scuba units patrolling the East River spotted the four-foot (1.20 metre) long, 40-pound (18-kg) animal. Beavers have only recently returned to the city with the first sighting of one in more than 200 years made in February 2007.

Lt. John Harkins, commanding officer, NYPD SCUBA, said in a statement that the animal had been tilting unnaturally and showed "laboured breathing." After securing it in a safety noose the officers pulled it aboard their vessel.

"It has pretty big claws," Harkins said of the beaver which will be taken to an animal hospital.

fire pope!!!

again, kudos to wonkette on picking this up off the ap wire:

Beloved anti-Nazi pope John Paul II is back, according to Vatican TV. And this time, he is a terrible fire monster! We know about this because we accidentally had CNN Headline News on the other day, with the sound off, for some reason we can no longer remember, and suddenly there’s a terrible picture of the dead pope next to another picture of the Fire Pope. (It was on that douchesack Glenn Beck’s show that nobody has ever intentionally watched.)

This hilarious picture of a campfire has been in every downmarket tabloid in Europe this week, and the poorer/dumber people apparently really believe the beloved pope has returned to Earth, briefly, in the form of a terrifying burning devil. Or a campfire.

The thrilling development was also on the Fox News show “Fox & Friends,” according to some people who actually watch “Fox & Friends”:

The headline read ‘Bonfire Miracle’ and underneath it said ‘Believers see Pope’s image. Several times they said that a fire would never take that shape and used the miracle word. Comments: Fox and Friends spoke several times about the miracle fire that appeared to be the Pope. Doocy said, “That’s the Pope” and Camerota said, “Absolutely.”

“Bonfire Miracle.” That is kind of awesome.

Because the Catholic god apparently has a hell of a sense of humor, when Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger dies he’s going to come back to Earth as a nice puppy.

my 5th grade teacher sister anne marie lied to me

dateline, vatican city...catholic church says no to limbo (not the game, the afterlife concept). well, great, now i can sleep at night free from the worry about the eternal souls of the unbaptized babies. thanks, joe ratz.