we will smoke you out of your cave, osama bin ducky

via Fedblog:

Here's another one for the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" files: The Rocky Mountain News reports that Scott D. Clark, an auditor with the Denver office of the Health and Human Services Department's inspector general office, is facing a felony animal cruelty charge related to an incident at an Embassy Suites hotel in St. Paul, Minn., where he had traveled for work.
According to witnesses, Scott cornered a duck near an atrium pond at the hotel and ripped its head off. Announcing, "I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat it," Clark got on an elevator with the headless bird and took it up to the fifth floor. On top of that, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reports, local law enforcement officials said in an official complaint filed against Clark that after police arrived on the scene, Clark said "that he worked for the federal government and when this was over he would have the officers' jobs."When told that he was in trouble for killing the duck, Clark told officers, "Why, because I killed it out of season? Big deal, it's just a [expletive] duck."

...moreoever...some newspapers reporters were IMing about this...and someone got a hold of the hilarious conversation. enjoy, for freedom's sake:

bush and ahmadinajad: both love texas longhorns and/or satan

wonkette has a great comment on the above photo:

"Did you know the whole Iran-White House thing is a big scam because both Bush and Ahmadinejad answer to the same boss, Satan? Well it could be true, as proven by this Conspiracy Planet photo comparison showing both unloved presidents doing the HAIL SATAN gesture. We’ve often posted pictures of Bush Junior worshiping his father in hell, but this is the first time we’ve seen Iranian McBeardy guy rocking the Heavy Metal Hands — and check him out, all double-barreled and whatnot.

But what if Mahmoud y Jorge are both just lifelong devotees of Texas collegiate sports?

There is, of course, the possibility that the Iranian president is a covert Longhorn fan and is signalling other Longhorn fans that he is one of them, but the chance of that being true is little to none.

Oh good, well that’s settled."

exploiting the 9/11 attacks for profit, rudy style

more proof that he is running for president of 9/11, not america:

dateline, washington d.c.:

"The campaign of Democratic presidential candidate Chris Dodd said Tuesday a fundraising party for Republican Rudy Giuliani seeking $9.11 each from guests exploits the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks for political purposes.

The Dodd campaign called on Giuliani to refuse the money raised at the event, saying the theme "is absolutely unconscionable, shameless and sickening." A Giuliani spokeswoman said the $9.11 idea was selected without the campaign's knowledge.

"Mr. Giuliani was quick to express much vitriol for the independent ad created by MoveOn.org last week; we would hope he would express the same kind of outrage and indignation about this group that he is the beneficiary of," Colleen Flanagan, a spokeswoman for Dodd, said in a statement released by his campaign."

50 years since little rock high

50 years ago today, federal troops were sent to little rock high to enforce the Brown decision and integrate the school. the bbc has a great piece on the huge importance of this event (and of its continued relevance with recent court rulings against affirmative action in college admissions).


"with all deliberate speed..."

oh, those crazy canadian magazines

via wonkette:
Now that their “dollar” is no longer worth less than a real dollar (but they still have to pay more for our hardcover books, suckers!), the Canadians are getting uppity. The October cover of their cute “political magazine” Maclean’s portrays our President as a distinguished gay British army general, er, I mean, Saddam Hussein.

south africa's rape trap

ok...i give law and order: svu three weeks until they do a story about this where elliot tries to decode if he would want his dautgher to wear one:

Anti-rape campaigners in South Africa are outraged about a new invention intended to catch rapists.
The device, designed for a woman to insert, attaches itself to a rapist and has to be surgically removed.

Its inventor says this will help in the prosecution of the rapist. Critics say the invention represents a return to the days of the chastity belt.

Some 1.5 million rapes occur in South Africa each year - one of the highest rates in the world.

"This is a medieval instrument, based on male-hating notions and fundamentally misunderstands the nature of rape and violence against women in this society," said Charlene Smith, one of South Africa's most prominent campaigners against rape.

"It is vengeful, horrible, and disgusting. The woman who invented this needs help."

'Something must be done'

The inventor of the device, Sonette Ehlers insisted she did not hate men.

"Something needs to be done, and women are crying out for me to go ahead," she told the BBC's World Today programme.

Ms Ehlers has patented the tampon-sized device, and expects it to go on sale next month.

Lisa Vetten, of the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation (CSVR) said it was "a terrifying thought that women are being made to adapt to rape by wearing these devices".

Ms Ehlers's critics argue that it would be better to educate men not to rape in the first place, rather than just to catch them after the deed.

But the inventor insisted: "I'm not an educator - I will go for those they can't educate.

ever wanted to sue god? you can...in nebraska

via rawstory.com:

A Nebraska lawmaker is taking his complaints about frivolous lawsuits limits all the way to the top.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers is suing God.

"It's a lawsuit against a defendant who has perpetrated much harm and damage on the human race," Chambers said on CNN.

Chambers says his frivolous lawsuit against the Lord was meant to protest a suit filed against a Nebraska judge who banned the words "rape" and "victim" from a woman's rape trial.

Some Nebraska lawmakers are trying to pass legislation preventing frivolous lawsuits, but Chambers says anyone should be able to file a lawsuit against anyone else.

"The Constitution requires that the courthouse doors be open, so you cannot prohibit the filing of suits," Chambers tells a local Fox affiliate. "Anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God."

In his suit, Chambers seeks an injunction against God ordering the deity to stop natural disasters and terror threats. Fox News notes that Chambers is not a Christian.

"Apparently this Omaha senator, he also skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians," a Fox host notes. "So apparently this guy is not a man of faith, which is fine, but it's a little unusual he's suing God, I don't think he's going to get a response."

The lawsuit notes that Chambers tried several times to contact the defendant, KETV reported.

“Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon Defendant ('Come out, come out, wherever you are') has been unable to do so,” the suit says.

a children's treasury of terrible 9/11 art

i wouldn't even try to outdo wonkette, so here is the whole piece direct from the site:

On this solemn day a half-dozen years ago, nearly 3,000 people were horribly killed so that Rudy Giuliani could earn a hundred million dollars and run for president of 9/11 and the most corrupt administration in American History could wage endless war around the world that has killed some 700,000 people while finally making energy and defense stocks the solid dividend payers favored by long-term investors. Also, “September the Eleventh” has inspired the most insipid, maudlin kitsch in the history of an already very kitschy nation, along with some truly stomach-turning old-fashioned American Huckersterism.

Next, if you thought passenger jets could be terrifying weapons, you’ll truly be terrified by the giant winged baby monster:

How did such a truly awful, gut-wrenching event inspire such stupid crap? It’s just part of our modern, idiotic culture — the same mouth-breathing instinct that compels people to pile a bunch of wet stinking stuffed animals at the site of a fatal car crash, or order a hundred Thug Life “memorial T-shirts” to remember some shithead gangsta teen who got himself shot, or make a GeoCities memorial site for Princess Diana (with animated GIFs and MIDI music of “Candle In The Wind”).

Or, if you’re an entrepreneur, maybe you just manufacture some lighters in China with bas-relief images of the burning WTC towers and Osama bin Laden’s face, and when you open it, the thing will play “Für Elise” and little LEDs will blink in the “fire.”

But nothing says “We sort of had it coming” like the endless variations of the Crying Eagle.

This next one is truly emblematic of the whole pathetic trend: The fucking flag is not only somehow tattooed on the eagle’s feathers, but it’s also backwards. Show some respect, crying eagle.

While cynics will say 9/11 has been used primarily to justify a $500 billion occupation and destruction of a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, optimists will point out that 9/11 could also get you a dollar-twenty-nine bag of grease fries down at the Burger King, in Hilltop Plaza:

And if the endless pictures of the Smoke Devil attached to absurd quotes from the Book of Revelations weren’t enough, somebody decided to bring attention to yet another mysterious animal shape in the smoke:

Uhhhh ….. Is it a chicken drumstick? Maybe the head of that little dude in “Gremlins”? Maybe a mooninite?

Optimists saw Jesus as the Great Destroyer.

Let’s move on:

Okay, WTF? Is this what 9/11 is like in Second Life? Is a furry going to fuck Lady Liberty, and does she have four legs or something hidden in those shadows? Because she’s obviously got some yiff scar on her left tit, maybe from a anthropomorphic fox with a 24-inch penis?

Burning? Is that really the word you want to use here?

America is back, babies!

deja vu all over again

just when you thought the republican race for the noimination couldn't get more hilarious than a pro-gay, pro-choice, corrupt nyc major versus the guy from 'die hard 2' versus a flip flopping mormon....it does with the addition of two little (read: hilarious) words: alan keyes.

Rank-and-file Republicans clearly aren’t satisfied with their already-enormous presidential field. Shortly after Fred Thompson’s announcement, activists started wondering whether David Petraeus might be available. Or maybe Jeb. Or even Newt.

Well, wait no more. The savior of the Republican Party has arrived.

After two previous runs for U.S. president, former Reagan diplomat Alan Keyes has announced he’s again seeking the White House in the 2008 election, and he’ll take part in Monday night’s Republican presidential debate.

Keyes told syndicated radio host Janet Parshall he’s “unmoved” by the lack of moral courage shown by the other candidates, among whom he sees no standout who articulates the “key kernel of truth that must, with courage, be presented to our people.”

He added, “The one thing I’ve always been called to do is to raise the standard … of our allegiance to God and His authority that has been the foundation stone of our nation’s life” – and he decried the lack of “forthright, clear, and clarion declaration” from the current crop of presidential contenders.

As a result, Keyes said, “We’re putting together an effort that’s not going to be like anything before, because it’s going to be entirely based on citizen action. We’re going to be challenging people to take a pledge for America’s revival,” and elevate them from spectators in the political arena to participants.

seriously, doesn't he remember the ass-whopping he got from obama a few years back?

the president lies about iraq (yes, again)...

...and keith tells it like it is.

victory in iraq...if passing is 35%

if a student gets 39% on a test, that's much worse than just failing, right? so, if iraq missed 11 of 18 benchmarks, does that mean they have to retake the test again or do we just hold them back a year (again)? someone needs to tell the president that even though karl rove is gone, he still doesn't (and never did) have the math.